First things first. The
first sentence of a story breaks the silence.
Many of us will read any first sentence of anything. But will we read the second? The first sentence has to make the reader
want to go on to the next. Whether it
charms, amazes, intrigues, shocks or seduces you, it has to do so quickly and
must take you out of your world and drop you into another. And now it’s impossible not to go on, not to
want to know what’s up with these people.
What makes a good first sentence? Start clean and
simple. Don’t try to write pretty, noble
or big. You don’t need fancy language.
The desire at the start is not to say anything, not to make
meanings but to create a sudden experience of reality.
Examples from former
students (with their permission):
“I
am wearing my sister today.”
“You
have to drive like hell to get there.”
“My
mother smoked herself to death.”
“I
found a white rose in an otherwise empty shopping cart.”
“It
was July and that ice cream cake wasn’t going to make it.”
A good beginning sentence is full of intimation and
assurance that something compelling, something surprising and unusual is going
to happen:
“Ray
disliked Susan more than any human being alive, yet her naked body was thrusting
against him at that very moment.” – Ron Ries, “The Lawn Mower”
“All
happy families are alike, but an unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
–Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina.
“When
it came to concealing his troubles, Tommy Wilhelm was not less capable than the
next fellow.” –Saul Bellow, Seize the
Day.
“Bald
and wrinkled was not what I wanted to be when I grew up.” – Anonymous
“It’s
just amazing how friendly you become when you’re on Xanax.” –Sam Shepard, “Land
of the Living,” from The New Yorker, September 21, 2009.
Don’t introduce a story, just jump right in. Catch a character in mid-flight. Begin in the middle of things:
“My
wife Norma had run off with Guy Depree and I was waiting around for the credit
card billings to come in so I could see where they had gone.” – Charles Portis,
The Dog of the South,
“Dr. Iannis had enjoyed a satisfactory day in
which none of his patients had died or got any worse.” - Louis De BerniĆ©res, Corelli’s Mandolin,
“She
is standing under the great clock in Grand Central Station and she is waiting
for me.” -Carole Maso, Ghost Dance.
A good first sentence is intriguing and immediate.
The leisurely beginning is nearly impossible
in a short story.
The first sentence
should be striking and surprising but not necessarily short.
“One
day you have a home and the next you don’t, but I’m not going to tell you my
particular reasons for being homeless, because it’s my secret story, and
Indians have to work hard to keep secrets from hungry white folks.”
-
Sherman
Alexie,
What You Pawn I Will Redeem.
"Dr.
Koestler’s baboon, George Babbitt, liked to sit near the foot of the table when
the physician took his evening meal and eat a paste the doctor had made
consisting of ripe bananas and Canadian Mist whiskey.” – Thom Jones, “Way Down
Deep in the Jungle” from Cold Snap.
However, sometimes the shorter the
better:
“My
father ain’t worth two-bits.” – Anonymous
“He
had a gun.” – Ericka Tavares, “Easy Money”
"I
once saw a bloke try to kill himself.”
-Alan Sillitoe,
On a Saturday
Afternoon.”
“She
wondered how many times a week he had to do this.” -Thom Jones, I Want to Live!
“A
man came along and fell in love with Dorrie Beck.” -Alice Munro, A Real Life.
“First
I must tell you how much I admired the slope of her sleeve.” -William T. Vollman, Reading the Bride. From The Rainbow Stories.
“All
children, except one, grow up.” -J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan.
“Everyone
in Lame Deer knew that old shit-brown Buick.”
-David Seals, The Powwow Highway.
“I
grew up with people who believed unequivocally in the spirits.” – Susanna
Moore, “I Myself Have Seen It.”
Try not to begin a story with long
descriptions without first establishing a character or point of view:
Don’t write, “It was a dark and stormy night,
the stars weren’t shining on the long, cold
Southeast
England rocky beach and the torrid rain raced down from the gray
looming sky.”
Rather, “The man pulled his jacket over his head, but the wind-driven
rain beat against his face.”
Now we have a character. Let’s
get on with the story!